MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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