I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
