I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
