JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
the liver wants what the liver wants
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
