I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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