Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize