PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
