You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
