Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
