My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
