i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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