I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
