Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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