The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
