; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Randomize
