God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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