i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
