nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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