don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
