i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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