her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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