its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
