ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
