i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
