I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
