Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I need to stop coming to work sober
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
