saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
