my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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