I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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