so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
