Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
Randomize
