Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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