So gin and wine won't be happening again
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
