I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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