dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
