he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
