Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
