why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
