Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
