they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize