You can't motorboat a personality
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
