A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
