I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
