Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
