She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
