I need help removing her.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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