well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
