I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
