i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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