This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
