Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
