She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
