Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST

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(316): View more from Kansas

Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair

Fav 20 1001 4315
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(231): View more from Michigan

I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.

Fav 4 2438 1316
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(845): View more from New York

You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.

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(863): View more from Florida

Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials

Fav 3 1020 732
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(309): View more from Illinois

They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.

Fav 18 2382 723
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(773): View more from Illinois

We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.

Fav 2 139 123
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(309): View more from Illinois

We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.

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