I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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