don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Drunk is not a location!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
