Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
