how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
