I love black thongs
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
