Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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