you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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