I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
