You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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