You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
