those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
