Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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