Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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