You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
