you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
