Rock
Scissors
Fuck
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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